...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
