he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
a search helicopter?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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