I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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