dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
honey bunches of taint.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
