So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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