we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
