I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
