I got chris browned last night
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
