i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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