Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
