The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
