Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
