He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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