So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
