The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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