don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
