So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
