Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize