I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
