thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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