Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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