dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
