i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
