Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
