So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
