My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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