Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
