just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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