are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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