It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
