I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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