I can text with my tongue
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In America we eat man semen.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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