that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
