Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize