Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
