there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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