I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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