jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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