in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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