i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
