going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
