i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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