You really coming over, don't trick.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
