And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Found your dick twin last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
