so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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