hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
