I feel great
I just peed on a car
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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