***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
