Already got asked if we're dating
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
