no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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