yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
