I murdered the dance floor call the cops
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
