i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
