It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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