My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
