She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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