Do you still have your period?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
