we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
