At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
