I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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