she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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