i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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