im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
