i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
