I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
