So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
