Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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