whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
