I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
