Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
