very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
