A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
