Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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